Just Like OJ, Without All The Murder

If you tried to catch some news on any of the major cable networks last week, you would have been shit-out-of-luck. Between the hours of 9-5, the only face gracing the TV screen was:

none other than Judge Larry Seidlin, the judge in the hearing for custody over the body of Anna Nicole Smith.

Okay, so it is understandable that following Anna Nicole's death was like Christmas for cable and entertainment news networks(young celebrity death, drugs, mystery, millions and millions of dollars to be claimed, baby-mama-drama = JACKPOT.) But even the most cynical bloggers had to be disgusted surprised by the circus that was this trial.

Any legal expert could have told you that the judgement of the case could have been decided in 30 minutes: Dannielynn is Anna Nicole's next of kin, thus she gets custody of the body. Since she is a five month old baby, her guardian gets custody, and since the paternity trial has not yet began, the baby's court appointed guardian decides what will happen with the body.

The honorable Judge Seidlin eventually reached this conclusion, but not before orchestrating a three-day festival of ridiculousness in which issues not pertaining to the case were investigated thoroughly, lawyer's objections and cries for sanity were shrugged off, and many tears were shed (mostly by Seidlin.)

America seems to love this kind of thing. The televised OJ Simpson trial brought viewers into the courtroom for months. Since then, the media can't seem to wait for the next high profile court drama. The Jackson trial was good, but limited access to the court room didn't offer much in the way of highlight-reel moments.

Here is a sampling of the craziness:


But you really had to watch a few hours of the trial to get a real impression of how unprofessional and embarassing this trial was. It made me wonder what vending machine Siedlin got his law degree from (turns out he got his degree from night school in the Bronx. Close enough.)

I have seen more professionalism on court TV shows such as Texas Justice, where the judge uses a baseball bat in place of a gavel. In fact, it is now being reported that Judge Seidlin has long had aspirations to become a TV judge celebrity. Somebody please strip this man of his certification.