Rock The Vote!

I didn't have a lot of time to watch TV this past week, and whatever I did watch was mostly a couple minutes of cable news here and there. With primaries only...9 months away, the poll frenzy has begun for which candidates the public can tolerate a little bit more. Barack Obama (or Barack Osama as FOX news prefers to call him) was on Larry King over the weekend. Now I have a lot of respect for Larry King, but the fact is he is getting crazy old and his game is beginning to slip just a little bit. I remember a particular interview last year with James Frey after the "Million Little Pieces" fiasco, during which is was obvious Larry King had not read more than the sleeve of the book and asked Frey repeatedly if this experience would drive him back to drug use.
Anyway, In the spirit of polling, here is my own questionnaire for the masses of people who I am sure read this blog. Enjoy. (Give it a few seconds to load).

Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude \SHOD-n-froy-duh\, noun:
A malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others.

pardon me if this blog entry seems a little more scholarly than usual, but I have been thinking of something for a while in relation to why we watch certain programs on TV, or why these shows even exist.

Every Sunday, my roommate sits down to watch two episodes of the A&E show "Intervention." Each week, the show follows the life of an addict (alcohol, crack, heroin, gambling, etc.) painfully close and then organizes an intervention and rehabilitation program for the subject. The show often shows with explicit detail the process of drug use and addiction, complete with scenes of inserting heroin needles. Why would we want to watch this?

Of course the argument may be that this is not exploitation, but is a documentary display of reality that exposes the public to the harsh truths of addiction yada yada yada.

I think producers, advertisers, and viewers know it is much more than that. Why are other types of shows so popular? Survivor, American Idol, Elimidate...is it because we like to see the winner succeed or are we equally, if not more so, interested in seeing the failure and embarrassment of others?

I'm not trying to judge anybody here, the only parts of American Idol I watch are the early episodes where the dreams of so many untalented hopefuls are extinguished in front of Ryan Seacrest and millions of viewers at home.

Our culture is based on merit, individual success and overcoming obstacles. Yet the reality is not everyone is successful. Shows that portray the misfortune of others offer an interlude in our own lives and a chance for us to feel good about ourselves because 'hey, at least my life doesn't suck as much as theirs."

I'll get off my soapbox now, MTV's "Juvies" is starting....

Top 10 TV Shows Cancelled Too Soon

There is a LOT of crap on TV. If you don't believe me, check out my previous post that covers 24 hours of TV programming. With so many shows out there, it is hard to believe, and often very disappointing when networks decide to cancel your favorite show. These are my picks for the top 10 shows that were cancelled before their time. This does not include shows that ran their course and producers decided to end gracefully, but consists of shows that for one reason or another, were shunned by the network and taken off the air.

1. Arrested Development, FOX 2003-'06: By far the most original and humorous sitcom since Seinfeld. The show lasted three seasons, and they were at least informed midway through the last season that they would not be renewed, so they could tie up the show at least somewhat. The show had a strong fan following and won multiple Emmy Awards, but for some reason FOX shuffled it around their weekly schedule and viewers had a hard time keeping up. The show also featured no laugh-track, was a smarter breed of comedy than most, and did require viewers to watch weekly to keep up with running plot lines. This combination unfortunately sealed the shows fate. Seasons 1-3 can all be obtained on DVD for a reasonable price.

2. Freaks and Geeks, FOX 1999-'00: Another huge mistake by FOX to cancel this show after just 18 episodes. The show follows the life of a handful of high school students during the 80's. While it was a great show that integrated comedy with a touch of nostalgic, sentimental drama, FOX could not find a demographic to cater to with the show and didn't give it enough of a chance to pick up viewer support. The show is not yet being shown in syndication, but the full series DVD is available.

3. NewsRadio, NBC 1995-1999: When Phil Hartman was killed in 1998, NewsRadio tried to carry on, but the comedic heart behind the show had been lost. Though ratings were never all that high for NewsRadio, it's awesome cast of Dave Foley, Andy Dick, Joe Rogan and Maura Tierny provided enough laughs for it to stay on the air. I don't think this show got enough credit while it was on, and I don't think it gets enough credit now for being one of the best comedies of the 90's. The show is being released gradually on DVD, and re-runs can be seen frequently on TBS.


4. Dead Like Me, Showtime 2003-2004: Even though I think this show is great, it's not surprising that it would get canned. First, it was shown on a premium cable channel, which puts a big limit on the viewers it can attract. It did not feature any well known actors, and it's plot concept walked a fine line between dark comedy and drama. The show features a young woman who is killed by a falling airplane toilet seat and becomes a grim reaper In writing it might sound lame, but it really is a good show and the acting is fantastic. DVDs for both seasons are a little pricey, but can be found at great prices on ebay.


5. Carnivale, HBO 2003-2005. Carnivale is a perfect example of why I don't like about HBO. They have a handful of shows that they pump so much money into, that profits cannot possibly keep up with production costs. They seem to constantly be looking for the next "Sopranos" and don't give their shows enough of chance. Carnivale in two seasons won 5 Emmy's and was nominated for dozens of other awards. Yet, at the end of the second season, just when the drama was peaking in suspense, HBO decided not to renew. The show takes place in depression-era America and follows a traveling circus, as an epic battle good and evil is emerging. Imagine X-files with more likable characters, a more compelling story, amazing production & sets, and you have carnivale. HBO also charges ridiculous amounts for its DVDs. So while both seasons are available for purchase, I would recommend spending much less and renting them at your local independent video store (For those in Tucson, try Casa Video, with two-for-one rentals on Tues. and Wed.)


The others:

6. Wonderfalls
7. Mystery Science Theater 3000
8. Family Guy (Though it was brought back from cancellation 3 years later)
9. Dog bites man
10. VH1 Pop-up video

(some informational material from this post was found at IMDB.)

How to improve your candidacy as a boyfriend by watching Food Network

Read any "womens" magazine (not that I do, but The Girlfriend leaves them lying around) or look around the web and you will discover that women want guys who are talented in fields beyond beer pong. One of qualities deemed attractive by the --pardon the ridiculous phrase-- modern woman, is a man who knows how to cook.

I can't help the fact that I am a good cook. In my family, the men always did most of the cooking, or were just better at it. Of course, being in college and living off of student loans and bar tips, I have eaten my fair share of easy-mac, but I try to do actual cooking as often as possible, especially since The Girlfriend has a hard time making scrambled eggs (I finally convinced her to scramble the BEFORE putting them in the pan).

"If you didn't know how to cook, I would probably starve to death, or just dump you"- The Girlfriend. She apparently isn't alone.

Learning to cook may be difficult for the spatula-impaired, but that's where The Food Network comes into play. I would estimate that at least a quarter of my TV watching is dedicated to The Food Network . Not only does the cable channel have shows that are fun to watch, like Iron Chef and Dinner:Impossible, but it also has shows that offer great, and relatively practical dishes that anyone can make. Often, the Food Network website includes recipes featured on certain shows so that you can take a closer look and replicate them.

So then, I now present you with my 3 choices for shows that guys should watch to pick up some tips on how to graduate beyond ramen and instant mashed potatoes:

Boy Meets Grill with Bobby Flay
Ignore the stupid title. This show features Chef Bobby Flay cooking pretty simple meals almost entirely on the grill. For those who still think a woman's place is in the kitchen, and aren't ready to make that move, the grill is the best place to start. Some of his meals are a little complicated and over-ambitious, but you can always simplify the recipe and make it your own. Here is an easy recipe for skirt steak tacos.




Tyler's Ultimate
Okay, Tyler Florence is a little bit goofy and sometimes irritating, but it is well worth sitting through a 30 minute show if it is going to greatly improve your skills. The basis behind the show is that the cook takes a well known, and often simple meal and improves upon that to create the "ultimate" version. Still the recipes are fairly easy to make. What Tyler does that a lot of cooking shows don't is explain with greater detail what he is doing as he is cooking to make it easier to follow. Here is Tylers recipe for the ultimate shrimp scampi.


Everyday Italian
Ahh, Giada De Laurentiis...Just because the host of this show is an extremely attractive woman, it does not make you any less of a man to follow her cooking instruction. Italian food is some of my favorite to make because the ingredients are relatively cheap and it is deceptively simple.
(A good rule of thumb for Italian cooking is if doesn't taste great, just add more cheese.) Here is an example of the awesome but easy dishes featured on the show.


Now man up and put on an apron!

Just Like OJ, Without All The Murder

If you tried to catch some news on any of the major cable networks last week, you would have been shit-out-of-luck. Between the hours of 9-5, the only face gracing the TV screen was:

none other than Judge Larry Seidlin, the judge in the hearing for custody over the body of Anna Nicole Smith.

Okay, so it is understandable that following Anna Nicole's death was like Christmas for cable and entertainment news networks(young celebrity death, drugs, mystery, millions and millions of dollars to be claimed, baby-mama-drama = JACKPOT.) But even the most cynical bloggers had to be disgusted surprised by the circus that was this trial.

Any legal expert could have told you that the judgement of the case could have been decided in 30 minutes: Dannielynn is Anna Nicole's next of kin, thus she gets custody of the body. Since she is a five month old baby, her guardian gets custody, and since the paternity trial has not yet began, the baby's court appointed guardian decides what will happen with the body.

The honorable Judge Seidlin eventually reached this conclusion, but not before orchestrating a three-day festival of ridiculousness in which issues not pertaining to the case were investigated thoroughly, lawyer's objections and cries for sanity were shrugged off, and many tears were shed (mostly by Seidlin.)

America seems to love this kind of thing. The televised OJ Simpson trial brought viewers into the courtroom for months. Since then, the media can't seem to wait for the next high profile court drama. The Jackson trial was good, but limited access to the court room didn't offer much in the way of highlight-reel moments.

Here is a sampling of the craziness:


But you really had to watch a few hours of the trial to get a real impression of how unprofessional and embarassing this trial was. It made me wonder what vending machine Siedlin got his law degree from (turns out he got his degree from night school in the Bronx. Close enough.)

I have seen more professionalism on court TV shows such as Texas Justice, where the judge uses a baseball bat in place of a gavel. In fact, it is now being reported that Judge Seidlin has long had aspirations to become a TV judge celebrity. Somebody please strip this man of his certification.

LOST (or, Why I Refuse To Leave My House On Wednesday Nights)

Surprisingly, I only follow a few current shows on TV. First and foremost of those shows is Lost. To say that I am a regular watcher of the show is an understatement. I make any arrangements necessary to be sure that I will be in front of my TV at 9 p.m. on Wednesday nights, and if they decided to air the show five nights a week, I would be forced to quit my job.

Now, I know there is a lot of hype about the show. Some people are fanatics, and others can't stand the series. ABC has not done a very good job of attracting new viewers with its awkward methods of splitting up seasons and changing the show time.

Two weeks ago marked the continuation of season 3 of the show on ABC. I jumped on the Lost bandwagon a little late, during the second season. After seeing a re-run episode during the second season, I promptly coerced my roommate to go buy the first season on DVD, which I finished off in under a week and then caught up with the second season by watching episodes on line.

If you have not yet been initiated to the Lost habit, you have literally dozens of hours of work to do to play catch up. You see, Lost is much more than just a TV show. If you can recite "the numbers" by memory, you know you have already been afflicted.

J.J. Abrams and the other show producers have come up with a brilliant method of keeping followers entertained. They have developed an intricate and seemingly endless puzzle (aka, "The Lost Experience") that plays out online as well as through television commercials such as this:


Some of this puzzle is entwined with advertisement campaigns, which is a clever way of making some money. Regardless, the extra curricular content is not necessary to follow the show plots, but it makes for a whole lot of frustrating entertainment.

I have been sucked deep enough into the Lost world to even read the novel "Bad Twin," which was inconspicuously released last year with no announcement from the show, but sporting a "Lost on ABC" decal. The author of the novel is a fictional writer who is actually mentioned briefly on the show. It has been rumored that the actual writer of the book is none other than Stephen King, who has been named as a big inspiration for the show's writing team. The novel, like the online elements, helps to decipher some of the show's mystery, but mostly adds to the questions and intrigue of the show.

It is really difficult to explain the plot and happenings of the show to someone who hasn't seen it, and is incredibly frustrating to try to answer all the questions a casual viewer might have. I believe Lost is leading the way in a new breed of TV programming that requires it's watchers to be more than just passive viewers, on both a investigative and intellectual level-the show subtly ties in multiple philosophical perspectives with characters as representations of historical theorists (John Locke, Rousseau, David Hume, etc.)

As a journalist, and just someone who needs to figure things out that interest me, Lost extremely addictive, and is in fact better described as an "experience" rather than just a show.

For those who do follow the show and wish to figure out more than you could ever want to know, Lostpedia is a vast and encompassing wiki fan site that is constantly updated with new information. Enter at your own risk.

And at of sounding like an advertising whore, I strongly encourage anyone who has not yet seen the show to find somewhere online (you know where to find these things, folks), or legitimately obtain the DVD's and tune in to ABC on Wednesday night so that the network does not decide to make the mistake of canceling this show.















(Tune in next week when I look at the top 10 worst TV cancellation mistakes of all time.)

The Great 24-Hour Television Experiment Pt.2

(A note about “to be continued...'s: I always hated it when shows did that, I'm not talking about like dramas that having running plot lines, but sitcoms and the like that had “to be continued” episodes really bugged me because I never remembered to follow up and watch the next one. It especially sucks for re-run syndication). So anyway, picking up where we left off...

The Face of Unamusement

10:30 p.m.
Jackass is jackass, you know it. It's stupid, but funny at times. By now the shock value has worn off, but I still remember about 10 years ago when the show first came out and parents were flipping out and I thought it was the best thing ever. I wonder how far our moral standards will digress and what we will start seeing on cable TV in the next 10 years. I can hardly wait

Country Fried Home Videos is CMT's version of America's Funniest Home Videos. There is your usual cornucopia of people getting hit in the crotch, falling down, crazy pets and bad facial hair “this is absolutely horrible,” claimed The Friend after seeing a few too many tractor-riding-gone-wrong clips..git 'er done.

Conan O'Brien is the only late night show worth watching these days. Letterman is getting too old and seems uninspired, Jay Leno is awful as always, and the rest are irrelevant. Especially irrelevant is Carson Daily, who looks like a Cheeto, by the way. But Conan is consistently creative, funny and has great guests. I can't wait until he takes over for Leno in two years.

I plan to do a comprehensive blog about public access programming sometime in the near future, but if you have never tuned in to your loal public access channel, do it, and preferably very late at night. You will see things on public access that very few will ever have the opportunity to witness (E.G. Very very VERY low budget sci-fi movies filmed in Tucson in the 1980's about traveling through holes in the fabric of time through stereo speakers.)

Lifetime's Gay, Straight, Or Taken was a great interactive show that did a lot more to fend off the weariness than jumping jacks have been doing. In the show, a girl goes on a four-way date with, as the name implies, a gay guy, a straight guy, and a guy in a relationship. She has to try to figure out who among them is the straight guy to win a date. “I don't think he's gay, I think he's just foreign” commented The Girlfriend. The Friend ended up being correct on her original gay, straight, and taken predictions.

1a.m.
First on the schedule for day 2 was E!'s “the soup” which is basically a clip show, highlighting humorous bits from the past weeks television programming. I think this was a poor choice on my part, because all those clips almost made it feel like I had just watched about 20 hours of TV instead of 10.

MXC is actually a dubbed over version of a crazy Japanese game show from the late 80's. It has somewhat of a cult following, much like Iron Chef. I can't really do this show any justice with words, just try to catch it sometime if you are flipping around at 1 or 2 in the morning, preferably drunk.

Full house at two in the morning is a lot better than I had even hoped. This is the second show of the day to feature Bob Saget, and I can't say that makes me happy..but the awesome music at the end of the show can brighten any situation..even a very poorly thought out blog experiment.

It was after full house that everyone who had joined me decided that could not stomach anymore and left me alone to make it through the night. I am about to enter the death valley of TV programming. What comes on between the hours of 2 and 5 in the morning is designed to either help insomniacs get to sleep, or take advantage of their fragile mental state and drunk poor judgement.


For one whole hour I watched nothing but QVC and infomercials. I had to restrain myself from buying a Boss stereo, a set of 80 pocket knives and a 2007P Jamestown Proof Commemorative Silver Dollar, NGC certified PF70 Ultra Cameo...only $149.97.

Focus

Commercial count update:
Car commercials:7
vs.
Erectile Dysfunction treatment: 4

Maybe it's just the sleep deprivation, but much of the humor on the Naked Trucker & T-Bone show was lost on me. It seems like the show is a potentially very funny 10 minute skit dragged out into a 10 episode series.

I don't know what kind of people CNN is trying to appeal to at 4 in the morning with the special investigation report “How To Rob A Bank,” that literally describes the techniques used by criminals to steal identities and rob banks. I learned that banks in the U.S. send out over 5 billion credit card offers every year, and it is ridiculously easy for someone to take one of those offers you casually toss out, purchase your identity information on line for 50 bucks and run up thousands of dollars of credit in your name.

It would appear that the only time you can find music videos being shown on MTV or VH1 is at 5 in the morning, and even then it's the shittiest of the shitty music videos. VH1's top 10 video countdown made me want to give up on this gig, go put on some Neil Young and sleep for 12 hours straight. Every minute I am becoming more bitter and more hungry.

Hope

Around 6am the sun began to come up and I knew the hardest part was over, I still had 8 hours of TV left to watch, but I was confident I could make it through. After an hour of cable news on MSNBC (O'reilly's least favorite network), I felt sufficiently informed and turned to TBS for an episode of the classic series “Dawson's Creek”. You know you have watched this show at some point, so don't try to hide it. This episode featured Joey's dad being released from prison, only to fall back into his drug-dealing ways. It is refreshing to see Katie Holmes before she became crazy and married the King of Crazy aka Tom Cruise.

Perhaps the least exciting program of this entire thing was the E! True Hollywood Story of Rosie O' Donnell. Somehow, this was the the best thing on at 8a.m. Come on, TV, you gotta get some better stuff up on Saturday mornings. I am pretty neutral about Rosie O' Donnell, it just doesn't seem like she her life has been exciting or controversial enough to earn a True Hollywood Story.

A portion of this that I was really looking forward to was Saturday morning cartoons, like all 20 somethings, I often reminisce about that awesomeness that was Saturday morning cartoons that were on when I was little. I wanted to see what was out there for the youth of today. I was sorely disappointed. I watched the Bratz cartoon, which featured a villain turning innocent Bratz into “pink zombies” with what looked like pink spray paint. I then watched a bad Scooby Doo adaptation which just had Scooby and Shaggy trying to save a bunch of pygmy marmosets (not kidding.) And Finally, Viva Pinata, a cartoon about...talking pinatas. Oh youth of this generation, how I pity you.

I happened upon some show on the travel channel about haunted buildings. Again this is one of many shows that doesn't seem to fit with its allocated cable channel, but somebody made the damn show and they have to put it somewhere.

After watching 20 hours of TV, I wasn't in the mood to have a really intense guy with crazy hair yell at me about being fat, but that's what I got when I tuned into PBS. “Kiss Your Fat Goodbye” is a show that tries to analyze why we are all overweight, and claims that we can be living to be 140 years old if we make the effort. I think if I wasn't so exhausted I would laugh at this show, but in my current state, it just made me a little bit angry. “You tip into distress and then full blown disease,” claimed crazy hair guy about weight gain.

A couple steps up from Tucson Public Access is channel 12, a local channel that usually programs really boring things like county legislative meetings and such. There are a few programs on it worth viewing though. Sam The Cooking guy is one of them. It is enjoyable local programming.

11:30 a.m.
TV land had a special showing the 100 greatest TV catchphrases of all times. Among the top 20 was this gem:


I'll just come out and say it; I love the history channel (aka The Hitler Channel). Modern marvels, True Crime, How William Shatner Changed The World, whatever it is, I will watch it and re-watch it every time they replay it for a month. It was a pleasant surprise to see that a special about cannibalism was being shown this afternoon, as I'm approaching the final stretch, some good history channel is exactly what I needed.

I felt it was cheating somewhat to watch the UA vs. Washington basketball game, as it was something that I would have been doing anyway at this time. Nonetheless, I was grateful that the game was on, and that UA got the much-needed victory. I was so elated, I barely noticed that as the game ended, I was entering my final hour of TVing.

I spent the final hour channel surfing, because I didn't feel it would be complete without some mindless clicking (and after 23 hours of nothing but a screen in front of you, believe me I was mindless). And before I knew it, it was over. I felt empowered as I turned off the TV. I also felt exhausted, ashamed, dirty, and irritable, but empowered nonetheless.

Commercial count:
Valentine's Day jewelry commercials: 9
Insurance commercials:9

So what did I learn you might ask? I wish at the end of this I that I had come to some vast spiritual awareness or new sociological perspective, instead I just really got sick of TV and don't think I will be able to watch much for the next few weeks. Some say there is too much on TV now, but I think choice is a good thing. There is something out there for everyone. If you want nothing but racing and car programming at all times, you have the SPEED network. If seeing uncensored open-heart surgery is your think, there's Discovery Health. And if you have a longing for Bob Saget, he can be found somewhere out there at pretty much any hour of the day.

The End.